Apologies for the economic downturn in blog productivity.
I've noticed this before over the last 25 years, but comedians and comedy writers are often at their busiest during economic downturns. You're never far from my thoughts blog reader, but at this moment there is no space in my head or timetable to do you justice properly. I'll try and come back as soon as possible.
Happy early December...
Friday, 5 December 2008
Monday, 1 December 2008
THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL
On 20 Nov, after finally making e-mail contact with the local party, I received this e-mail:
Hi Dave,
Thanks for getting back. I'm interested in what you said about building up an on-line presence. Our election candidate has a website which has not been updated for about a year and I'd be very interested to hear your views on what we could do.
Best wishes
CELP
Here was my response, sent on the same day. Still awaiting a reply...
Dear Crouch End Labour Party,
Thanks for getting back to me.
I think what the local party has to do is look at what the Lib Dem MP Lynne Featherstone has managed to achieve in the five or so years she has been active in Crouch End. Now I know she has unlimited funds and a fantastic aptitude for self-publicity, but what she has aside from all that is passion, and belief in her cause.
My feeling is that Labour dropped off the radar in places like Crouch End because local voters and activists had the passion and belief knocked out of them by three key New Labour policies - hostility to public service workers and the unions, flirtatious courtship of the right-wing press, and the Iraq war. All these helped to overshadow the many achievements under Tony Blair.
When Gordon took over there was a groundswell of goodwill waiting to happen and rejuvenate the party - and we all know what happened next. Now the landscape has changed again.
I get a sense, and it may just be my own prejudices and instincts, that for all the problems everyone in the country is facing, there is a feeling that people are looking to Labour, and Gordon Brown, for solutions. In other words, the passion and belief is back.
So this brings me to our prospective candidate, and her lack of website. I can only speak for the area I live in, but there are so many things going on round here, so many things that could be addressed, things that should be natural Labour territory but which we are leaving to the Lib Dems to deal with. How is Crouch End going to deal with the recession? How many more local shops of value will have to close? How can we help the local traders? Can we at least join in on their local debates? Do we have any influence over landlords charging excessive rents? How green is Crouch End? Are we doing anything collectively to improve it? Are we happy with the community police?
And while we're at it, why don't we show Haringey a little support? Show off the Library, and Park Road Pools, and the new wing at Coleridge, all the good stuff that Haringey does that gets drowned under the bad publicity. It's all very well for Lynne Featherstone to sound off calling for heads to roll over baby P, we should be making sure the other side is heard, the huge support for the head of Haringey social services, the problems with reports and recommendations.
There are so many questions, issues that our candidate should be adressing even if she doesn't yet have an answer to any of them. We should be building up a massive e-mail address list, starting with members who pass their e-mails on to other local people, getting the local shops, schools etc involved.
Sorry to ramble on, hope it all makes sense
Best wishes
Dave
Hi Dave,
Thanks for getting back. I'm interested in what you said about building up an on-line presence. Our election candidate has a website which has not been updated for about a year and I'd be very interested to hear your views on what we could do.
Best wishes
CELP
Here was my response, sent on the same day. Still awaiting a reply...
Dear Crouch End Labour Party,
Thanks for getting back to me.
I think what the local party has to do is look at what the Lib Dem MP Lynne Featherstone has managed to achieve in the five or so years she has been active in Crouch End. Now I know she has unlimited funds and a fantastic aptitude for self-publicity, but what she has aside from all that is passion, and belief in her cause.
My feeling is that Labour dropped off the radar in places like Crouch End because local voters and activists had the passion and belief knocked out of them by three key New Labour policies - hostility to public service workers and the unions, flirtatious courtship of the right-wing press, and the Iraq war. All these helped to overshadow the many achievements under Tony Blair.
When Gordon took over there was a groundswell of goodwill waiting to happen and rejuvenate the party - and we all know what happened next. Now the landscape has changed again.
I get a sense, and it may just be my own prejudices and instincts, that for all the problems everyone in the country is facing, there is a feeling that people are looking to Labour, and Gordon Brown, for solutions. In other words, the passion and belief is back.
So this brings me to our prospective candidate, and her lack of website. I can only speak for the area I live in, but there are so many things going on round here, so many things that could be addressed, things that should be natural Labour territory but which we are leaving to the Lib Dems to deal with. How is Crouch End going to deal with the recession? How many more local shops of value will have to close? How can we help the local traders? Can we at least join in on their local debates? Do we have any influence over landlords charging excessive rents? How green is Crouch End? Are we doing anything collectively to improve it? Are we happy with the community police?
And while we're at it, why don't we show Haringey a little support? Show off the Library, and Park Road Pools, and the new wing at Coleridge, all the good stuff that Haringey does that gets drowned under the bad publicity. It's all very well for Lynne Featherstone to sound off calling for heads to roll over baby P, we should be making sure the other side is heard, the huge support for the head of Haringey social services, the problems with reports and recommendations.
There are so many questions, issues that our candidate should be adressing even if she doesn't yet have an answer to any of them. We should be building up a massive e-mail address list, starting with members who pass their e-mails on to other local people, getting the local shops, schools etc involved.
Sorry to ramble on, hope it all makes sense
Best wishes
Dave
Monday, 24 November 2008
DEAR DAVE...
Well finally, contact has been officially made. Six weeks after joining the Labour Party, I received this letter from my neighbouring ward. After informing me of the sad passing away of the local councillor, the letter got down to business.
“Sadly our attentions now have to turn to electing a new councillor… I’m writing to all Labour members in Haringey to invite you to seek selection to be Labour’s candidate in this by-election…if you are interested in standing, you must complete and return the enclosed form by 5pm on Monday 24 November.”
In other words, welcome back to the Labour Party, do you fancy becoming a candidate? Now I realise that I'm registered in Haringey, so everyone remotely involved with the Labour Party here is deemed to be in possession of two horns and a tail, but do you think there might perhaps be the tiniest sort of vetting process at work? No one has ever been so forward to me on a first date.
I'm thinking of filling in the form anyway, just to see whether I get chosen or not. After asking for the usual personal details, the form continues as follows:
Gender: Male (sorry!)
Ethnic Origin: White (sorry again)
Details of Disability if applicable: Ha ha! I've got a hearing aid! Result!
Labour Party Experience: Hardly any. I went out canvassing in 1983. Once. And in 1997 I drove some old people to the Polling Station.
Other Life Experience: Wife and three kids ('family man'). No previous convictions. Stand-up comedian. (far too self-aware to spout a party line in public).
Relevant Knowledge of Seven Sisters Ward and local government: Been to the planning office a couple of times. It's very nice.
Communication skills: Marginally better than Crouch End Labour Party. (Still waiting to hear)
Campaigning Skills and Experience: See Labour Party Experience.
I wonder if that would get me a place on the short list? I'd send the form off only I'm worried that no one else will apply and I'll end up becoming Councillor Dave of Seven Sisters. In which case maybe it's best that they know about the Cayman Island account and the second wife in Thailand...
“Sadly our attentions now have to turn to electing a new councillor… I’m writing to all Labour members in Haringey to invite you to seek selection to be Labour’s candidate in this by-election…if you are interested in standing, you must complete and return the enclosed form by 5pm on Monday 24 November.”
In other words, welcome back to the Labour Party, do you fancy becoming a candidate? Now I realise that I'm registered in Haringey, so everyone remotely involved with the Labour Party here is deemed to be in possession of two horns and a tail, but do you think there might perhaps be the tiniest sort of vetting process at work? No one has ever been so forward to me on a first date.
I'm thinking of filling in the form anyway, just to see whether I get chosen or not. After asking for the usual personal details, the form continues as follows:
Gender: Male (sorry!)
Ethnic Origin: White (sorry again)
Details of Disability if applicable: Ha ha! I've got a hearing aid! Result!
Labour Party Experience: Hardly any. I went out canvassing in 1983. Once. And in 1997 I drove some old people to the Polling Station.
Other Life Experience: Wife and three kids ('family man'). No previous convictions. Stand-up comedian. (far too self-aware to spout a party line in public).
Relevant Knowledge of Seven Sisters Ward and local government: Been to the planning office a couple of times. It's very nice.
Communication skills: Marginally better than Crouch End Labour Party. (Still waiting to hear)
Campaigning Skills and Experience: See Labour Party Experience.
I wonder if that would get me a place on the short list? I'd send the form off only I'm worried that no one else will apply and I'll end up becoming Councillor Dave of Seven Sisters. In which case maybe it's best that they know about the Cayman Island account and the second wife in Thailand...
Thursday, 20 November 2008
NO COMMENT
Oh well, it's all clear now.
Turns out the reason I've been getting no comments for the past few weeks isn't because no one's reading the blog. (Although surely that has something to do with it). It's because I had the wrong default settings. Computers are clearly to me what anyone who earns under 50K a year is to George Osborne ie utterly beyond my comprehension.
So keep those tirades of blogosphere invective cascading in this direction. Before I cocked up the settings, I'm afraid to say that all the comments I received were disappointingly erudite and well-considered. This is a blog on the internet okay? I want bile! spelling mistakes! Abbreviations! And the only punctuation I'm looking for is exclamation marks!!!
:-)
Turns out the reason I've been getting no comments for the past few weeks isn't because no one's reading the blog. (Although surely that has something to do with it). It's because I had the wrong default settings. Computers are clearly to me what anyone who earns under 50K a year is to George Osborne ie utterly beyond my comprehension.
So keep those tirades of blogosphere invective cascading in this direction. Before I cocked up the settings, I'm afraid to say that all the comments I received were disappointingly erudite and well-considered. This is a blog on the internet okay? I want bile! spelling mistakes! Abbreviations! And the only punctuation I'm looking for is exclamation marks!!!
:-)
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
THE SPEECH OF HIS LIFE pt 2
My fellow Conservatives, what I am about to say to you today should come as no surprise. When I first became leader, and I began to talk about the importance of climate change, and how there was such a thing as society, and how we would not tolerate racial discrimination, you looked on me with suspicion.
But you also saw that for the first time I was beginning to attract a new kind of person to the Conservative Party. The kind of person who isn’t yet eligible for a bus pass. The kind of person who doesn’t necessarily look as though he might send letters in green biro to the Daily Mail.
You remained suspicious, but as Labour became less popular, and we started to build a lead over them in local and bye-elections, you stopped minding so much. Even your Chief Flag Bearer Lord Tebbit cooled his criticisms.
And for a while, it meant that I didn’t need to challenge you any more. It looked as though we were so clearly on course for an election victory that I might have been able to become Prime Minister without having to create a ‘Clause Four’ moment. My Bullingdon buds George and Boris were proving a hit with the neutrals, and Gordon Brown seemed to be taking popularity lessons from my predecessors Howard and Duncan Smith.
Well, as we all know the landscape has changed. Labour, and Brown, are being given another chance. There’s no point repeating the truth, that Brown’s personal promotion of unfettered city greed did so much to get us here in the first place. After all, to reiterate these facts only serves to remind people that these now utterly discredited policies were pioneered by Margaret Thatcher, Nigel Lawson and Ken Clarke.
So how should we respond to this new situation? The easiest thing would be for me to revert to type. To call for spending cuts as the only way to help reduce taxes. To show up Labour as the party of tax and spend. To create a climate of fear about the pound, and the economy. Hague, Howard, IDS, they all began with good intentions, each one soon returned to fear, racism, self-interest, the 80s siren calls that still played well to the dwindling minority of loyal grass roots voters.
But I’ve gone too far for that. I’ve moved our party too far into the 21st century to allow us to return to the 19th. I believe that to take on Labour, instead of trying to argue with them, we show the people that there are alternative ways of saving our economy. So that is why today, I am reviving one of the few policies that Margaret Thatcher advocated but which she failed to see through.
From today, I shall argue that Britain must, as soon as is humanly possible, sign up to the Euro.
The pound has been in more or less terminal decline for half a century, and frankly we should have joined at Margaret’s first attempt. Now we have to accept that, for better or for worse, in today’s global economy, global solutions are required. This is what Gordon Brown never tires of repeating, but he remains convinced that he alone knows what those solutions are.
Margaret, for all her hectoring aginst Europe, was a pragmatist at heart. She also signed us up to the Channel Tunnel, a move that has brought us closer to Europe physically and emotionally.
Yes, Margaret knew how to tickle the tummies of our grass roots supporters when it came to bashing Jean Foreigner, but deep down she was the most Europe-friendly Prime Minister Britain has ever had – and she did it because for her winning elections was ultimately far more important than taking a stand for Britain.
Europe is our future. At times they may seem bureaucratic and over-zealous in their regulations, but generally we are grateful for their directives on work, human rights, the lives we lead and the food we consume. To quote from one of my all-time heroes,
“He said ‘d’you want it pasteurised cos pasteurised is best?’
She said ‘Ernie I’ll be happy if it comes up to me chest.’”
But you also saw that for the first time I was beginning to attract a new kind of person to the Conservative Party. The kind of person who isn’t yet eligible for a bus pass. The kind of person who doesn’t necessarily look as though he might send letters in green biro to the Daily Mail.
You remained suspicious, but as Labour became less popular, and we started to build a lead over them in local and bye-elections, you stopped minding so much. Even your Chief Flag Bearer Lord Tebbit cooled his criticisms.
And for a while, it meant that I didn’t need to challenge you any more. It looked as though we were so clearly on course for an election victory that I might have been able to become Prime Minister without having to create a ‘Clause Four’ moment. My Bullingdon buds George and Boris were proving a hit with the neutrals, and Gordon Brown seemed to be taking popularity lessons from my predecessors Howard and Duncan Smith.
Well, as we all know the landscape has changed. Labour, and Brown, are being given another chance. There’s no point repeating the truth, that Brown’s personal promotion of unfettered city greed did so much to get us here in the first place. After all, to reiterate these facts only serves to remind people that these now utterly discredited policies were pioneered by Margaret Thatcher, Nigel Lawson and Ken Clarke.
So how should we respond to this new situation? The easiest thing would be for me to revert to type. To call for spending cuts as the only way to help reduce taxes. To show up Labour as the party of tax and spend. To create a climate of fear about the pound, and the economy. Hague, Howard, IDS, they all began with good intentions, each one soon returned to fear, racism, self-interest, the 80s siren calls that still played well to the dwindling minority of loyal grass roots voters.
But I’ve gone too far for that. I’ve moved our party too far into the 21st century to allow us to return to the 19th. I believe that to take on Labour, instead of trying to argue with them, we show the people that there are alternative ways of saving our economy. So that is why today, I am reviving one of the few policies that Margaret Thatcher advocated but which she failed to see through.
From today, I shall argue that Britain must, as soon as is humanly possible, sign up to the Euro.
The pound has been in more or less terminal decline for half a century, and frankly we should have joined at Margaret’s first attempt. Now we have to accept that, for better or for worse, in today’s global economy, global solutions are required. This is what Gordon Brown never tires of repeating, but he remains convinced that he alone knows what those solutions are.
Margaret, for all her hectoring aginst Europe, was a pragmatist at heart. She also signed us up to the Channel Tunnel, a move that has brought us closer to Europe physically and emotionally.
Yes, Margaret knew how to tickle the tummies of our grass roots supporters when it came to bashing Jean Foreigner, but deep down she was the most Europe-friendly Prime Minister Britain has ever had – and she did it because for her winning elections was ultimately far more important than taking a stand for Britain.
Europe is our future. At times they may seem bureaucratic and over-zealous in their regulations, but generally we are grateful for their directives on work, human rights, the lives we lead and the food we consume. To quote from one of my all-time heroes,
“He said ‘d’you want it pasteurised cos pasteurised is best?’
She said ‘Ernie I’ll be happy if it comes up to me chest.’”
Friday, 14 November 2008
GORD HELP US
Yes that's right, I set up this blog back in July as a little experiment, first of all to see if I could write four or five short articles a week about one topic (so far so good), and second because I really believed Labour might be able to choose a new leader, as the current one was proving so hopeless.
Then he became an international hero, saviour of the world etc - and a prolific letter-writer (see previous blogs). While I didn't become a convert overnight, my enduring fondness for the man and his principles at least made me believe he deserved another chance.
But reading the newspapers and websites today, I'm reminded what it is about Gordon Brown that makes him no longer the right man to lead the Labour Party to the next election. God, I even almost typed 'election defeat' without thinking there, that phrase might as well be one word.
Gordon, schoolmaster of all he surveys and Professor-in-Waiting to the world, will 'tell' the assembled Ministers and leaders this weekend what they need to do to make sure the world economy stays afloat. Okay, as world leaders go he has a better grasp of economics than most. He's proved himself, as even his harshest critics admit, to be a calm man in a crisis. But there are two other crucial requirements now, and he is sorely lacking in both areas.
One - he needs to show humility. There has been not the slightest hint that the problems of the last few weeks might have had anything to do with Gordonomics - specific policies that encouraged the city greed that brought us to this place, along with the ruthless pursuit of economic growth at any cost.
I can see why in political terms a public apology hands his enemies a lifeline while they're currently wondering how to defeat him, but a private acknowledgment that there are other countries - notably those signed up to the Euro, and those who have continued to innovate with their economies - who also know a thing or two about how to keep their countries economically viable.
So two - he needs to listen. Not to the people who have had his ear for the last ten years - Irwin Seltzer, Rupert Murdoch, Paul Dacre, Margaret Thatcher, people who like him and most of the bankers have learned nothing from this greedy world they created. People from other countries who have their own ideas about how to get out of this mess.
Today's rant is pushed for time. Have a nice weekend y'all.
Thursday, 13 November 2008
WORK LIFE BALANCE
Now I'm not trying to be flippant, I've been a freelance writer and performer for 25 years so I've had my fair share of anxious weeks and months wondering if I'll ever work again... but could we just stop for a moment and try and look at the current depressing unemployment figures from a different point of view?
Everyone is saying things are looking really bad for the economy, and for economies the world over, and of course economies are very big things that push and pull in all directions. But what I'm talking about is people. Individuals.
Now what I'm about to say goes against all my instincts as a lifelong Trade Unionist, and a believer that people should be paid properly for the work they do, but how about instead of making one person 100 per cent unemployed, why not make two people 50 per cent unemployed? I know, it's called job share.
These giant companies like BT and Virgin, for example, that are planning to shed thousands iof jobs. It shouldn't be beyond the realms of human capability for the people who run these companies to devise working situations where they could have two people working half-time, they're paying one less wage but they're not adding to the unemployment figures, they're putting one less person on benefits and giving everyone a chance to go out and do something useful in their lives - whether it's find anopther job, voluntary work, involvement in some local cause.
I know it sounds utterly fanciful and is so totally not thought through - this is, after all, a blog, so just be thankful I'm not writing 'that dude is so owt of tuch lol' - but if your own job is at risk which would you prefer - a 50 per cent pay cut plus 20 extra hours in the day, or a 100 per cent cut and 40 hours?
Oh well, back to comedy. Got bills to pay...
Everyone is saying things are looking really bad for the economy, and for economies the world over, and of course economies are very big things that push and pull in all directions. But what I'm talking about is people. Individuals.
Now what I'm about to say goes against all my instincts as a lifelong Trade Unionist, and a believer that people should be paid properly for the work they do, but how about instead of making one person 100 per cent unemployed, why not make two people 50 per cent unemployed? I know, it's called job share.
These giant companies like BT and Virgin, for example, that are planning to shed thousands iof jobs. It shouldn't be beyond the realms of human capability for the people who run these companies to devise working situations where they could have two people working half-time, they're paying one less wage but they're not adding to the unemployment figures, they're putting one less person on benefits and giving everyone a chance to go out and do something useful in their lives - whether it's find anopther job, voluntary work, involvement in some local cause.
I know it sounds utterly fanciful and is so totally not thought through - this is, after all, a blog, so just be thankful I'm not writing 'that dude is so owt of tuch lol' - but if your own job is at risk which would you prefer - a 50 per cent pay cut plus 20 extra hours in the day, or a 100 per cent cut and 40 hours?
Oh well, back to comedy. Got bills to pay...
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
DEAR GORDON
Dear Gordon,
Just thought I'd keep up our blossoming correspondence of the last few weeks. Thanks for letting me know about why you bailed out the banks, bailed out Peter Mandelson, and gloated over Alex Salmond.
I've had quite a busy week, I've got a sitcom script I'm quite pleased with that I've been tweaking, and I shall be sending it out to a few producers before Christmas. And I've had some encouraging comments about this blog which is amazing because I don't think anyone reads it!!!
How about you? I see your old mate Paul Dacre has been slagging off the Human Rights Act, does this mean you're going to cave in exactly the same as you did with the BBC, and instantly repeal it? I hope not. Anyway, send Paul my love and tell him the measles epidemic is just starting to slow down now, so keep up the good work at the Mail.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because it's now five weeks (FIVE WEEKS!!!) since I contacted my local party. No one got back to me by phone or e-mail, but then joy of joys! I walked past the Labour Party office in Crouch End on Saturday morning and Steve was there! No I don't know who Steve is either, and he probably thought I was weird because I greeted him like a long lost friend.
But Steve ALSO took my e-mail and telephone number, and PROMISED me he'd do something about it. (Oh dear, mentioning Paul Dacre has turned me into a ranting tabloid journalist! Must calm down) Three days on and still not a peep from anyone local. Does the local Labour Party exist? Am I real, or am I dreaming? Are my plans to turn Labour into the kind of solvent mass movement the Democrats have become already dead in the water?
When you have a mo, let me know your thoughts. And if you know anyone who lives in Crouch End and votes Labour, let me know their address thanks
Love as ever
Dave
Just thought I'd keep up our blossoming correspondence of the last few weeks. Thanks for letting me know about why you bailed out the banks, bailed out Peter Mandelson, and gloated over Alex Salmond.
I've had quite a busy week, I've got a sitcom script I'm quite pleased with that I've been tweaking, and I shall be sending it out to a few producers before Christmas. And I've had some encouraging comments about this blog which is amazing because I don't think anyone reads it!!!
How about you? I see your old mate Paul Dacre has been slagging off the Human Rights Act, does this mean you're going to cave in exactly the same as you did with the BBC, and instantly repeal it? I hope not. Anyway, send Paul my love and tell him the measles epidemic is just starting to slow down now, so keep up the good work at the Mail.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because it's now five weeks (FIVE WEEKS!!!) since I contacted my local party. No one got back to me by phone or e-mail, but then joy of joys! I walked past the Labour Party office in Crouch End on Saturday morning and Steve was there! No I don't know who Steve is either, and he probably thought I was weird because I greeted him like a long lost friend.
But Steve ALSO took my e-mail and telephone number, and PROMISED me he'd do something about it. (Oh dear, mentioning Paul Dacre has turned me into a ranting tabloid journalist! Must calm down) Three days on and still not a peep from anyone local. Does the local Labour Party exist? Am I real, or am I dreaming? Are my plans to turn Labour into the kind of solvent mass movement the Democrats have become already dead in the water?
When you have a mo, let me know your thoughts. And if you know anyone who lives in Crouch End and votes Labour, let me know their address thanks
Love as ever
Dave
Monday, 10 November 2008
WAKE UP LABOUR...
"David Cameron is expected to say in a speech later that the Conservatives will not allow unemployment to ruin people's lives."
Somewhere in a parallel universe, my Tory equivalent is sitting in his little house in Maidstone or wherever they are, screaming at the BBC News website for printing the above (and probably using it as another excuse to close down the BBC for good.)
He is ranting against this one final betrayal of what Thatcherism was truly about - and he would have already posted something on his blog if the foam coming from his mouth hadn't jammed his keyboard - which was, letting the market solve how people live their lives. Cameron may not allow unemployment to ruin people's lives, but unemployment as 'the small price to pay' for good government was at the heart of Maggie's first two terms.
However, is there anyone from Labour daring to point this out? Why can't Labour be producing a press release to this effect? Or would I be accused by my leader of 'playing politics' for daring to point out the fundamental difference between the philosophies at the heart of Conservatism and Labour?
If you want to be liked again, I suggest you WAKE UP Labour.
Friday, 7 November 2008
I SPOKE TOO SOON
I don't normally post more than once a day but the continuingly prolific Gordon has sent me another e-mail, and I'm depressed again.
Dear Dave, it begins, and perhaps it would have been best for all of us if it had ended there -
I wanted to take the time to thank all those party members who helped secure a great win for Lindsay Roy in the Glenrothes by-election. Don't waste your valuable Prime Ministerial time writing to me then mate, I did sod all.
In particular I would like to pay tribute to Gordon Banks and John Park, Jim Murphy and Iain Gray for their energy and commitment. Lindsay was an excellent candidate and will make a great MP. It fills me with great pride that the former Head Master from my old school in Kirkcaldy will join us in the House of Commons.
Okay, nothing to bother me there. Quite touching, in a small way.
What this victory shows is that people want politicians who will help them fairly through the downturn, and that they will always turn away from those politicians who choose to play politics rather than offer solutions which protect people through this downturn.
Aaaaaarrrgggh! He's done it again. You had to bloody well go and spoil it.
Labour won Glenrothes to some extent by playing politics, and playing it well. They attacked the SNP where they were weak, even though many of the problems the SNP faced as the ruling party were not their fault. DON'T YOU SEE that merely by saying people turn away from politicians who choose to play politics, you are playing politics. I know this is supposed to be no time for a novice, but you should watch Obama's acceptance speech and learn how to show your opponents a bit of humility in victory.
That is why I am going to Brussels today to meet with other world leaders - subtext: Cameron and Salmond are not world leaders, I am, that's so childish - about the action we can take together to give British families and businesses the support and security they need to protect their mortgages, job and standards of living. It's that mantra again.
In the meantime please join me in thanking all of those who helped secure Lindsay's win.
Yours sincerely,
Gordon Brown
Dear Dave, it begins, and perhaps it would have been best for all of us if it had ended there -
I wanted to take the time to thank all those party members who helped secure a great win for Lindsay Roy in the Glenrothes by-election. Don't waste your valuable Prime Ministerial time writing to me then mate, I did sod all.
In particular I would like to pay tribute to Gordon Banks and John Park, Jim Murphy and Iain Gray for their energy and commitment. Lindsay was an excellent candidate and will make a great MP. It fills me with great pride that the former Head Master from my old school in Kirkcaldy will join us in the House of Commons.
Okay, nothing to bother me there. Quite touching, in a small way.
What this victory shows is that people want politicians who will help them fairly through the downturn, and that they will always turn away from those politicians who choose to play politics rather than offer solutions which protect people through this downturn.
Aaaaaarrrgggh! He's done it again. You had to bloody well go and spoil it.
Labour won Glenrothes to some extent by playing politics, and playing it well. They attacked the SNP where they were weak, even though many of the problems the SNP faced as the ruling party were not their fault. DON'T YOU SEE that merely by saying people turn away from politicians who choose to play politics, you are playing politics. I know this is supposed to be no time for a novice, but you should watch Obama's acceptance speech and learn how to show your opponents a bit of humility in victory.
That is why I am going to Brussels today to meet with other world leaders - subtext: Cameron and Salmond are not world leaders, I am, that's so childish - about the action we can take together to give British families and businesses the support and security they need to protect their mortgages, job and standards of living. It's that mantra again.
In the meantime please join me in thanking all of those who helped secure Lindsay's win.
Yours sincerely,
Gordon Brown
GLENGORDON GLENROTHES
Well you could have knocked me down with a feather (Vic Feather, he was a big man. I love the fact that not only is there no one reading this blog, but that I can put in jokes that even if the blog was really popular hardly anyone would get. American comedy writers call jokes like that 'two percenters' ie only 2% of the viewers get it but it's going in the show anyway, just for them).
Anyway Labour, that Labour party I rejoined the week after their worst ever bye-election defeat, in Glasgow East last July, are back in the reckoning as a political party. The initial reason I set up this blog was because I thought Labour needed to get its act together, have a new leadership battle, with genuine arguments heard by all sides, led by the membership. Not the current membership, but people like me, the ones who left in their tens of thousands over matters such as the Iraq war.
It's quite breathtaking how Gordon's global 'to do' list has turned his fortunes around so dramatically. One of the reasons we were all fond of him was that he was a decent man with big ideas. The main reason we were fed up with him was that he was incapable of translating those big ideas into a coherent sense of what his leadership was for. Well, now that's been delivered to him by Lehman Brothers. Thanks guys.
So what now? With America about to change, subject to one last hurrah from George before he trashes the office on his last day, for the first time since Thatcher and Reagan there'll be two like-minded leaders in control of Britain and the US. Where Ronnie and Maggie created a world based on selfishness and greed, perhaps Gordon and Barack can point us towards a world where we have to share the diminishing wealth. Oops, off in dreamland.
I really want this blog to be funny, but honestly I'm so chuffed by the events of the past week I haven't found anything annoying enough to work me into a comedic frenzy. Promise to be funny again after the weekend.
Pip pip!
Anyway Labour, that Labour party I rejoined the week after their worst ever bye-election defeat, in Glasgow East last July, are back in the reckoning as a political party. The initial reason I set up this blog was because I thought Labour needed to get its act together, have a new leadership battle, with genuine arguments heard by all sides, led by the membership. Not the current membership, but people like me, the ones who left in their tens of thousands over matters such as the Iraq war.
It's quite breathtaking how Gordon's global 'to do' list has turned his fortunes around so dramatically. One of the reasons we were all fond of him was that he was a decent man with big ideas. The main reason we were fed up with him was that he was incapable of translating those big ideas into a coherent sense of what his leadership was for. Well, now that's been delivered to him by Lehman Brothers. Thanks guys.
So what now? With America about to change, subject to one last hurrah from George before he trashes the office on his last day, for the first time since Thatcher and Reagan there'll be two like-minded leaders in control of Britain and the US. Where Ronnie and Maggie created a world based on selfishness and greed, perhaps Gordon and Barack can point us towards a world where we have to share the diminishing wealth. Oops, off in dreamland.
I really want this blog to be funny, but honestly I'm so chuffed by the events of the past week I haven't found anything annoying enough to work me into a comedic frenzy. Promise to be funny again after the weekend.
Pip pip!
Thursday, 6 November 2008
A MACHINE WRITES...
----- Original Message -----
From: info @email newlabour.org.uk
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 5:47 PM
Subject: Last night's result
Thank you for contacting the Labour Party.
Your comments and questions are important to us.
But we will not have seen this email you sent us.
You will need to re-send your email by clicking on the link below and completing the online form.
Go to labour.org.uk/contact. By using this form we will be better able to deal with your comments and questions in the most appropriate manner.
Thank you for contacting us.
Membership and Communications Unit
The Labour Party
Dear Labour Party,
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly, albeit in automated form. I was just curious about the fact that, since I rejoined Labour and contacted my local party at the beginning of October, Gordon Brown has fought off a leadership challenge, saved the world from financial ruin, brought back Peter Mandelson (he must be kicking himself about that now) - and still found the time to write me two letters.
However, I have not received a single acknowledgment from my local branch of the Party (Crouch End and Wood Green), where even as we speak I am hanging around waiting desperately to jump out of the starting blocks and become involved in some direct action.
I can only assume that with no MP and no councillors, the remaining local members have given up on the party. So shall I just appoint myself chairman? Or is there anyone out there - anyone?! who might be willing to talk to me?
Many thanks
Dave
From: info @email newlabour.org.uk
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 5:47 PM
Subject: Last night's result
Thank you for contacting the Labour Party.
Your comments and questions are important to us.
But we will not have seen this email you sent us.
You will need to re-send your email by clicking on the link below and completing the online form.
Go to labour.org.uk/contact. By using this form we will be better able to deal with your comments and questions in the most appropriate manner.
Thank you for contacting us.
Membership and Communications Unit
The Labour Party
Dear Labour Party,
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly, albeit in automated form. I was just curious about the fact that, since I rejoined Labour and contacted my local party at the beginning of October, Gordon Brown has fought off a leadership challenge, saved the world from financial ruin, brought back Peter Mandelson (he must be kicking himself about that now) - and still found the time to write me two letters.
However, I have not received a single acknowledgment from my local branch of the Party (Crouch End and Wood Green), where even as we speak I am hanging around waiting desperately to jump out of the starting blocks and become involved in some direct action.
I can only assume that with no MP and no councillors, the remaining local members have given up on the party. So shall I just appoint myself chairman? Or is there anyone out there - anyone?! who might be willing to talk to me?
Many thanks
Dave
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
DEAR DAVE...
----- Original Message -----
From: Gordon Brown
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 5:38 PM
Subject: Last night's result
Dear Dave
This morning I sent my sincere congratulations to Barack Obama on winning the Presidency of the United States. I also have sent a message to Senator John McCain who has shown characteristic dignity in defeat - the same dignity that has marked a lifetime of service to the public.
What has happened today will live in history for as long as history books are written. Barack Obama ran an inspirational campaign, energising politics with his progressive vision for the future. His success marks a victory for those who believe that real change requires real substance and the right values.
Over the next few months and years, I look forward to working with Barack Obama, as President Elect and then as President. I know he is a true friend of Britain, and I know that the values we share in common and the polices on which we can work together will enable us to come through these difficult economic times and help to build a fairer and more secure world.
I believe the strong relationship between Britain and America is built not just on history and tradition but on values of liberty, democracy and opportunity that we hold in common. And today, as Barack Obama said this morning, America has proved once again that its great strength comes from 'the enduring power of our ideals.'
Gordon Brown
Dear Gordon,
Since I re-joined the Labour Party in July of this year, you have sent me two e-mails, without me even asking. (Thanks, by the way, I like the personal touch). However, despite numerous e-mails and phone calls to my local Labour Party, not one single person has responded to my request to become involved at local level.
I know you're a busy chap, but if someone with a bit of time on their hands could contact anyone from Crouch End and Wood Green Labour Party to contact me at this e-mail address, I'd be absolutely delighted.
Many thanks Dave
From: Gordon Brown
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 5:38 PM
Subject: Last night's result
Dear Dave
This morning I sent my sincere congratulations to Barack Obama on winning the Presidency of the United States. I also have sent a message to Senator John McCain who has shown characteristic dignity in defeat - the same dignity that has marked a lifetime of service to the public.
What has happened today will live in history for as long as history books are written. Barack Obama ran an inspirational campaign, energising politics with his progressive vision for the future. His success marks a victory for those who believe that real change requires real substance and the right values.
Over the next few months and years, I look forward to working with Barack Obama, as President Elect and then as President. I know he is a true friend of Britain, and I know that the values we share in common and the polices on which we can work together will enable us to come through these difficult economic times and help to build a fairer and more secure world.
I believe the strong relationship between Britain and America is built not just on history and tradition but on values of liberty, democracy and opportunity that we hold in common. And today, as Barack Obama said this morning, America has proved once again that its great strength comes from 'the enduring power of our ideals.'
Gordon Brown
Dear Gordon,
Since I re-joined the Labour Party in July of this year, you have sent me two e-mails, without me even asking. (Thanks, by the way, I like the personal touch). However, despite numerous e-mails and phone calls to my local Labour Party, not one single person has responded to my request to become involved at local level.
I know you're a busy chap, but if someone with a bit of time on their hands could contact anyone from Crouch End and Wood Green Labour Party to contact me at this e-mail address, I'd be absolutely delighted.
Many thanks Dave
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
I AM THE CROUCH END LABOUR PARTY
Ah, Crouch End, known only to the majority of web users as a short story by Stephen King - I've not read it, but I'm sure if I surmise that a grisly murder takes place somewhere among our buggy-filled boulevards that I'd be on the right lines synopsis-wise - and as the setting for Simon Pegg's 'Shaun Of The Dead' movie.
Anyway, I only mention these two dull snippets of information now because in the last four weeks I have been unable to spot or locate a single member of what was once the thriving Crouch End and Wood Green Labour Party. Have they all been killed off, or simply turned into zombies, doomed to a life of delivering postal votes from the grave?
No one answers my phone calls, nobody picks up my e-mails, the shop on Middle Lane is permanently shut. So I have decided to step in to the vacuum of power and intrigue caused by this depletion of bodies, to declare that as of today I am now unofficially Chairperson, secretary, treasurer and all round Policy Wonk of Crouch End and Wood Green Labour Party.
Too much power invested in one person? You should have thought of that before you relinquished your own authority, sucker. Power is mine, although I shall of course use it only for benign purposes (once I have thrown Starbucks off the high street and reinstated Word Play).
My first move will be to alert the national party of these missing persons... and then contact the computer savvy neighbouring branch of Walthamstow for some handy hints.
Can this blog get any more exciting you ask?
Anyway, I only mention these two dull snippets of information now because in the last four weeks I have been unable to spot or locate a single member of what was once the thriving Crouch End and Wood Green Labour Party. Have they all been killed off, or simply turned into zombies, doomed to a life of delivering postal votes from the grave?
No one answers my phone calls, nobody picks up my e-mails, the shop on Middle Lane is permanently shut. So I have decided to step in to the vacuum of power and intrigue caused by this depletion of bodies, to declare that as of today I am now unofficially Chairperson, secretary, treasurer and all round Policy Wonk of Crouch End and Wood Green Labour Party.
Too much power invested in one person? You should have thought of that before you relinquished your own authority, sucker. Power is mine, although I shall of course use it only for benign purposes (once I have thrown Starbucks off the high street and reinstated Word Play).
My first move will be to alert the national party of these missing persons... and then contact the computer savvy neighbouring branch of Walthamstow for some handy hints.
Can this blog get any more exciting you ask?
Thursday, 30 October 2008
WHILE GORDON SAVES WORLD (AND BBC FROM BRAND)...
... Dear Crouch End and Hornsey Labour Party,
Three weeks ago I telephoned your answerphone and asked for some information about how I could become active in my local party.
Ten days later I followed this up with another phone call and an e-mail. And now this e-mail number two.
Since I first spoke to your answerphone, Gordon Brown has spent 2.8 trillion pounds to bail out our banking system, Harry Redknapp has spent precisely nothing to facilitate the instant recovery of Tottenham Hotspur, Russell Brand has had to forgo his £200,000 a year BBC income and live solely off the earnings of his multimillion pound Hollywood career, and Leeds United have won three and lost three games yet somehow remain third in League One. Following them at the moment is not unlike following the Stock Exchange.
My original theory, that my telephone message was viewed by the massed throng of the local Labour Party as a prank call, doesn't hold water, as despite working regularly for the BBC I have yet to be suspended.
My current theory is that the original telephone message, with offers to become actively involved with the local Party, was met with such shock that it must have induced a heart attack in the person hearing it. Maybe that was the same person who is entrusted to answer the e-mails. In which case, I apologise for the pain I have caused, but in the meantime I'd still like to get involved in making Labour more interesting, and politics fun. Not much to ask is it?
Please contact me soon otherwise I may have to break in to your local offices and, assuming that they are totally empty, put things in there.
Many thanks
Dave
Friday, 24 October 2008
ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY RE-LAUNCH
Houston we have had the occasional problem with the re-launch, crashing computers and blocked websites – my library computer still insists that this site be filed under pornography (in which case how come no one is looking at it?). So my attempts to go daily have been scuppered by a combination of technology and my own inefficiency.
And next week is half term, so for those of us with blogs and small children, something has to give. If only it was still legal to send the five year old up a chimney, I could continue writing this blog to no one in particular about saving the world in peace.
But before I go, I leave you with these two thoughts:
1) Two people have changed the political landscape this month – for ever.
Gordon Brown has shown that when the will is there, anything is possible. If spending vast sums of money is what it takes to stave off the collapse of the world banking system, then vast sums of money can be found. If enough people push for something (such as action on climate change) it can be achieved. Which leads me to:
Barack Obama, who has raised vast amounts of money from thousands and thousands of small donations. He has done the equivalent of what Trade Unions and the Labour party used to do ie fund fairness through small donations. He has shown the Labour Party over here how it can reinvent itself, as a mass member party no longer dependent on the wishes or money of high finance. Which leads me to:
2) It is now two and a half weeks since I phoned my local party, three days since I e-mailed them. What is going on? Am I the only person left in Crouch End who is a member of the Party.
Happy holidays reader.
See you next week.
And next week is half term, so for those of us with blogs and small children, something has to give. If only it was still legal to send the five year old up a chimney, I could continue writing this blog to no one in particular about saving the world in peace.
But before I go, I leave you with these two thoughts:
1) Two people have changed the political landscape this month – for ever.
Gordon Brown has shown that when the will is there, anything is possible. If spending vast sums of money is what it takes to stave off the collapse of the world banking system, then vast sums of money can be found. If enough people push for something (such as action on climate change) it can be achieved. Which leads me to:
Barack Obama, who has raised vast amounts of money from thousands and thousands of small donations. He has done the equivalent of what Trade Unions and the Labour party used to do ie fund fairness through small donations. He has shown the Labour Party over here how it can reinvent itself, as a mass member party no longer dependent on the wishes or money of high finance. Which leads me to:
2) It is now two and a half weeks since I phoned my local party, three days since I e-mailed them. What is going on? Am I the only person left in Crouch End who is a member of the Party.
Happy holidays reader.
See you next week.
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
GREED IS MY CREED
I’ve always prided myself on my refusal to conform. Call it single-mindedness, individuality, justification for things going wrong in my personal and professional life – take your pick.
However, this time I’ve really decided to go for it. In the style of Michael Douglas in the movie Wall Street, tough-guy image built on the famous ‘braces and bracelets’ look, I am going to shout it from the rooftops – ‘Greed Is Good’!
Greed is good greed is good greed is good greed is good. No, I’m not being paid by the word. Just if you repeat something often enough it sticks.
That’s been the mantra on Wall Street and the city for two decades. And where did it get them? They got greedier and greedier and became bigger bullies so that no one dared to challenge them, then it all went horribly wrong.
So then what happened?
They got bailed out. A few people responsible lost their jobs. Nobody got hurt. Nobody died. Government remained in thrall to money.
What about those of us who’ve put the opposite view? That all that huge amount of wealth should be used to stave off climate change disasters? To feed the poor? To help Palestine become a proper country? To buy two tickets to see Lee Evans at the O2 stadium?
No one ever listens to us, talking reasonably in our thin weedy voices made meek by not eating enough red meat or driving enough sports cars through built-up areas.
What I learned in the playground aged five remains true today – the people who shout and scream the loudest are the ones who get their own way. We can all agree that we don’t like them, or that they’re spoilt, or unreasonable, but in the end we settle for a quiet life and give in, promising to fight them another day.
So what would happen if we all made a big row? If you and I and all our mates stamped our feet and screamed and yelled and shouted at our superiors that we wouldn’t stop until they implemented the Kyoto agreement – and once they’d done that we’d scream some more, and stamp our feet and roll around punching the ground with our fists until they cut carbon emissions by 80 per cent?
Come on then, let’s all be greedy. We know what we want – we want the world to be a safer place, we want to re-distruibute money and love more fairly around the world, we can’t stop fellow screamers and shouters with suicide bombs from blowing up trains but we can create conditions to stop more people signing up to their cause.
We’re not asking for much, just the world.
AND WE’RE GONNA SCREAM AND SHOUT SO LOUD YOU’RE GONNA BE FED UP WITH US AND GIVE IN JUST TO GET A QUIET LIFE.
So, can we have our world back please mister?
However, this time I’ve really decided to go for it. In the style of Michael Douglas in the movie Wall Street, tough-guy image built on the famous ‘braces and bracelets’ look, I am going to shout it from the rooftops – ‘Greed Is Good’!
Greed is good greed is good greed is good greed is good. No, I’m not being paid by the word. Just if you repeat something often enough it sticks.
That’s been the mantra on Wall Street and the city for two decades. And where did it get them? They got greedier and greedier and became bigger bullies so that no one dared to challenge them, then it all went horribly wrong.
So then what happened?
They got bailed out. A few people responsible lost their jobs. Nobody got hurt. Nobody died. Government remained in thrall to money.
What about those of us who’ve put the opposite view? That all that huge amount of wealth should be used to stave off climate change disasters? To feed the poor? To help Palestine become a proper country? To buy two tickets to see Lee Evans at the O2 stadium?
No one ever listens to us, talking reasonably in our thin weedy voices made meek by not eating enough red meat or driving enough sports cars through built-up areas.
What I learned in the playground aged five remains true today – the people who shout and scream the loudest are the ones who get their own way. We can all agree that we don’t like them, or that they’re spoilt, or unreasonable, but in the end we settle for a quiet life and give in, promising to fight them another day.
So what would happen if we all made a big row? If you and I and all our mates stamped our feet and screamed and yelled and shouted at our superiors that we wouldn’t stop until they implemented the Kyoto agreement – and once they’d done that we’d scream some more, and stamp our feet and roll around punching the ground with our fists until they cut carbon emissions by 80 per cent?
Come on then, let’s all be greedy. We know what we want – we want the world to be a safer place, we want to re-distruibute money and love more fairly around the world, we can’t stop fellow screamers and shouters with suicide bombs from blowing up trains but we can create conditions to stop more people signing up to their cause.
We’re not asking for much, just the world.
AND WE’RE GONNA SCREAM AND SHOUT SO LOUD YOU’RE GONNA BE FED UP WITH US AND GIVE IN JUST TO GET A QUIET LIFE.
So, can we have our world back please mister?
Monday, 20 October 2008
5,4,3,2,1... RELAUNCH!
The story so far:
July 2008 – Britain’s Labour Party at an all-time low. Memberless, broke, heading for certain electoral defeat – what better time to re-join the club that no one wants to be a member of?
In my simple, modest way, I fashioned this blog as a singlehanded attempt to save the Labour Party. In the light of recent world events I have decided to move with the times, and package financial meltdown, climate change, nuclear war, and one other thing so terrible we don’t even know what it is yet – into one giant securitised portfolio of joy. So this is now a blog about my slightly less modest attempt to save the world. Only my method – rejoining the Labour Party - remains the same.
Why the Labour Party? You may well ask. Why in God’s name the Labour Party? Also entitled. Are you completely mad? Now you’ve overstepped the bounds of politeness, stranger. But a legitimate question nonetheless.
Well, my 561 point plan to save the world has to start somewhere. And while this blog can be read from Krakatoa to Kuala Lumpur, via Northampton (all places that will at some point in the future take heed of my benign scheme), I need a physical place and some people on whom to attempt my evil experiments, and to help me work out what the remaining 559 steps are. For all their spinelessness, American influenced warmongering and right-wing press-pandering xenophobia, they are, once again, my party, and the only party to supposedly represent the under-represented.
Why the Labour Party? You may well ask. Why in God’s name the Labour Party? Also entitled. Are you completely mad? Now you’ve overstepped the bounds of politeness, stranger. But a legitimate question nonetheless.
Well, my 561 point plan to save the world has to start somewhere. And while this blog can be read from Krakatoa to Kuala Lumpur, via Northampton (all places that will at some point in the future take heed of my benign scheme), I need a physical place and some people on whom to attempt my evil experiments, and to help me work out what the remaining 559 steps are. For all their spinelessness, American influenced warmongering and right-wing press-pandering xenophobia, they are, once again, my party, and the only party to supposedly represent the under-represented.
Why 561 steps? Well, that's the exact number of days left between now and the last possible date for a General Election in the UK. Gives me something to work towards.
So – step one – re-join the Labour Party. Done. Bald, deaf Jew joins yet another minority.
Step two – get in touch with my local party.
Regular reader (Hi Pete!) may remember that about two weeks ago I managed to track down the phone number of my local party. I rang them but never received a reply. Last week I picked up an e-mail address. In my bid to save the world, I am nothing if not persistent.
Step three. The journey begins… See you tomorrow.
So – step one – re-join the Labour Party. Done. Bald, deaf Jew joins yet another minority.
Step two – get in touch with my local party.
Regular reader (Hi Pete!) may remember that about two weeks ago I managed to track down the phone number of my local party. I rang them but never received a reply. Last week I picked up an e-mail address. In my bid to save the world, I am nothing if not persistent.
Step three. The journey begins… See you tomorrow.
Friday, 17 October 2008
MAN NEW JOINS LABOUR
And so, to the big re-launch, coming next week. Hence the 'new' in the above title - although that was the only place I could put it in the title without making it sound like something it isn't.
Looking back to the original parameters of this blog, the Labour Party, has, for the moment, been saved. My work is done.
So farewell then, ‘Man Joins Labour’ Mark One. You were crafted with a modicum of care, but not slaved over. You have not quite achieved all you set out to do although as the original title of this blog shows, you have, indeed, joined Labour. Ten days on from calling your local party, and still no one has been in touch but hey – it took Gordon and Alastair nearly a fortnight to solve the collapse of the world economy, so I shouldn’t expect too much.
You have, let’s be honest, blog, become slightly more irrelevant than you already were to all but the six loyal souls (he said optimistically) who ever bothered to read you. And, coming as you did from the keyboard of a comedy writer, you simply weren’t funny enough.
You did, however, perform a very useful task, providing the first step on my road to discovery. Thanks to you I have worked out how to progress. Monday morning will see, in classic New Labour style, the Great Dave Blog Re-launch, designed in response to world events as they unfold.
See you then…
So farewell then, ‘Man Joins Labour’ Mark One. You were crafted with a modicum of care, but not slaved over. You have not quite achieved all you set out to do although as the original title of this blog shows, you have, indeed, joined Labour. Ten days on from calling your local party, and still no one has been in touch but hey – it took Gordon and Alastair nearly a fortnight to solve the collapse of the world economy, so I shouldn’t expect too much.
You have, let’s be honest, blog, become slightly more irrelevant than you already were to all but the six loyal souls (he said optimistically) who ever bothered to read you. And, coming as you did from the keyboard of a comedy writer, you simply weren’t funny enough.
You did, however, perform a very useful task, providing the first step on my road to discovery. Thanks to you I have worked out how to progress. Monday morning will see, in classic New Labour style, the Great Dave Blog Re-launch, designed in response to world events as they unfold.
See you then…
Thursday, 16 October 2008
WHAT WOULD VINCE DO
Approaching the subject of world finance with the same amount of complete ignorance as 99 per cent of the population, it’s not always easy to spot whose hidden agenda I might be following.
I’ve now found someone who probably knows more than most of us about this but has no hidden agenda. Vince Cable is the Lib Dem spokesman on finance, and so can say exactly what he likes.
I received this e-mail even though I’m not a member of the Lib Dems - they’re so much better organised in these areas than Labour.
So – what would Vince do?
"1. Action on housing stop unnecessary repossessions and provide more social housing
Allow families struggling with repayments to sell all or part of the equity in their house and rent it back from a housing association.
2. Tax cuts for people on low and middle incomes
3. Action to limit the excesses of the City
Firm up the policy of stopping destabilising short-selling of bank shares by hedge funds
Require banks to hold more capital in periods of boom and less in recession.
4. Action to deliver future economic stability
Include house prices in the considerations of the Bank of England when setting interest rates to manage inflation
5. Action to cut energy bills and fight fuel poverty
Compel energy companies to re-invest the £9 billion profit they have made in kind from the Emissions Trading Scheme.
6. Action to help people with debt problems
Roll out a national network of free independent financial advice centres, to ensure that individuals with debt problems can seek assistance promptly and professionally
7. Action to help people who lose their jobs
8. Action to deliver ‘green-collar’ jobs and energy independence
Big investment in renewables, home insulation and railways will create thousands of jobs
9. Action to reinvigorate global trade
Work within the EU to unlock the stalemate on agricultural trade between the rich and the developing world, and bring down prices worldwide."
This all came, of course, before Gordon and Alastair weren’t being socialist enough for George Osborne. But I’m sure it all holds.
Note how top of his agenda is a measure to help ordinary people. And nearly all his immediate measures are about a group of people Labour has so far almost failed to mention – people losing their jobs, people in debt, lowest income taxpayers etc. Shame on you Labour.
I know he’s a Lib Dem and is unshackled by the restraints of power, but imagine how many votes those policies might be worth to a party with a real chance of power.
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