I AM SLEAZY

So, why am I talking about party funding, arguably the deadest dead issue since reform of the House of Lords?

Why did I rejoin the Labour Party? (And why am I answering a question with another question? And another. It’s a Jewish thing, don’t ask.)

Because I would like, in my tiny, minuscule, insignificant way, to contribute my experience, beliefs and prejudices to the political system. To put it in a way that Alan Milburn might understand, I’m investing in the future of Labour plc. To put it in a way that Peter Mandelson would never understand, I’m not hoping to make financial gains from this decision.

Carping on the sidelines, as I’ve been doing for the last few years, it’s easy to moan about how rubbish things are. Well for once, I’ve decided to take a little bit of responsibility. I’ve signed up, and paid hard cash (alright, direct debit), and I expect something in return. I expect, at the very least, my voice to be heard. I perceive that Labour is extremely close to adapting to the current circumstances in the world, and the mood in the country, and getting ready to go in a direction that I would like to see it go.

I have paid money to the Labour party, and I want something in return.

You got a problem with that?

The big Trade Unions, who no longer dictate economic policy over beer and sandwiches at Number Ten (if they ever did), pay lots of money to the Labour Party, in what appears to me to be an abusive relationship. Is it not fair that they should expect something in return – at least, to be granted the kind of respect they are given by the CBI? I reckon if Cameron wasn’t so awash with Europhobic lolly he could easily turn the old Eton charm on the unions and get them to switch. Frankly they wouldn’t get much less in exchange for their hard-earned union subs than they’ve been getting lately from Labour.

Cameron, of course, will do no such thing, because his is the party of capital. And rich people give money to the Conservatives to protect their interests. It’s not fair – but that’s why they’re Conservatives and we’re Labour. Labour exists to protect the interests of the less well off. And while it was nice for a while to be in the black, that money came at a cost, which was a damn sight more than having Yates of the Yard knock on Tony’s door.

So can we please all grow up? Can we please accept that nobody pays money to a political party out of pure altruism. I believe it’s in my personal interest, and that of my family, to be part of a world where some redistribution of wealth is being attempted.

And that’s why I want you out there, yes all of you, the angry disbelievers who have been boycotting this blog in their millions, go out there and join Labour, make it once again a huge movement that has to be listened to by force of numbers of alone.